Saying Yes
Leaning into yes: because “no” rarely becomes a tale worth telling
You’d think a newsletter called “40 and Giving Zero F’s” would be a love letter to “no.” Don’t worry, that one’s coming. Today is about “yes”- because as liberating as a well-timed “no” can be, saying yes to the unexpected is its own kind of freedom (and usually a better story).
At some point late in my 30s, I decided I wanted to be the type of person who says yes more than no. I wanted to be adventurous, in my own way. (No, I haven’t been skydiving, and I probably never will, but I have paid money to stomp in a barrel full of grapes at my favorite local winery just because).
Being a person who says yes often seemed like becoming a person who has a lot of fun. Who figures it out. Who makes the time. Who pushes herself out of her comfort zone and does things she never thought she’d do.
Now, this is not to be misconstrued as saying yes to everything and being a doormat. Boundaries are important. (Seriously, expect a post in a few weeks on saying no. I’m pretty good at it.)
What I’m talking about are three specific categories of things to say yes to:
Things you want to do but think you shouldn’t for some reason
Things that are outside your comfort zone
Opportunities that cross your path that you weren’t expecting
Things you want to do but think you shouldn’t for some reason
This is a big category, and the reasons NOT to do something are plentiful: time, money, other priorities, what other people might think, you’re too old, etc., etc.
Let’s dive into the time excuse. There’s no time. We’re all so busy. Everything in our lives is over-scheduled. We run from place to place. Playdates are scheduled weeks in advance. A mom’s night out? Sometimes it feels like it can take months.
Let’s break this cycle. At this stage of our lives, it’s always going to be busy. So if there’s something you want to do, do the thing! Say yes! Because the memories or the fulfillment you’ll get from doing the thing you want to do will more than make up for putting off some chore or some responsibility for just a little bit longer.
So if a friend texts and wants to grab a last-minute drink, unless I have other plans already, I’m going to do everything I can to say yes.
We recently had the opportunity to pull a plane at Dulles Airport for Dulles Day. It’s basically tug of war with a full-size plane, but for a good cause: it’s a fundraiser for the Special Olympics of Virginia. When we were asked to join a team, I was a little worried about the schedule. Saturdays in September are particularly chaotic. But I decided to say yes because, of course, it’s a good cause, but also… what a story! We literally pulled a plane! (You don’t pull it far, and there were probably 25 or so other people pulling in addition to my family, but still!).
And that weekend turned out to be completely full of both fun stuff (dinner with friends, an Oktoberfest at a local brewery) and obligations (getting my daughter to dance team practice), but I have zero regrets about squeezing in a plane pull.
Things that are outside your comfort zone
I’m a firm believer that you need to push yourself out of your comfort zone from time to time. Some of the most rewarding experiences of my life have been from pushing myself to do something I didn’t think I could do. I’ve even made something of a career out of pushing myself out of my comfort zone, landing in careers I never imagined for myself, but turns out I’m pretty good at. And developing really valuable skills along the way.
In my personal life, if someone asks me to come along somewhere and it’s not something I’d normally gravitate toward on my own, I like to try to say yes unless I truly think I can’t do it. And I rarely regret it. It’s how I tried goat yoga (I love regular yoga, the goat version I can take or leave), ended up teaching barre classes for a while, and that one time I rode a scooter in high heels (I actually don’t recommend that one even if I don’t quite regret it).
Or even when there’s no one to push me to do something and I push myself, like when I joined a Slack community sponsored by one of my favorite travel podcasts and started going to meetups to meet other points and miles nerds enthusiasts, even though I didn’t know a soul there. And now it’s a bonus community that I get to be a part of, and every time I say yes to a quick trip or vacation, I have access to a wealth of knowledge from travel experts who can help me plan my trip! All from pushing myself to go to that first meetup!
Probably the biggest push outside my comfort zone came a few years ago when I was nominated to run for Woman of the Year and host a fundraising campaign for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. I had no fundraising experience, and asking people for money makes me nervous. Asking other people to join my team made me nauseous. Of course, it was an amazing opportunity to raise money for a phenomenal cause, but I really wanted to say no. But something inside me pushed me to say yes. And it was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but we raised a lot of money for cancer research.
And by pushing myself, I grew. I realized I could do things I wasn’t giving myself credit for.
Opportunities you weren’t expecting
Sometimes fate serves you a gift you didn’t see coming. Maybe your favorite band is on tour near your hometown. Maybe an author you love is doing a book signing. Maybe you spot a flight deal to that destination you’ve been eying. Or better yet, a flight deal to a destination that wasn’t on your radar, but when you look into it, it seems amazing.
Maybe you can’t always say yes. My husband likes to remind me that we absolutely can’t say yes to every single flight deal I see, or we’d go broke. :)
But maybe try to say yes more than you say no?
When I zoom out and think about what I want my life to be like in my 40s and beyond, a big part of it is living a life of meaning and making it memorable. It can’t be nonstop parties and wine tastings and travel (despite my best efforts!) but I find when I start from the position of trying to say yes more, I end up with some really memorable moments - with friends, with family, with co-workers, and even just on my own. And also some really, really great stories.
What have you said yes to recently? Are you glad you did?
Love,
Amanda
Zero F’s Favorites
Travel is where I say “yes” the most. My secret weapon: Thrifty Traveler Premium $100/year for flight deals or $150 for flights + hotel deals. Set your home airports, choose your alert types, and they’ll email cash or points steals. I’ve already used several this year. Highly recommend.
Word of warning, though, the alert emails can be addicting. One strategy that I’ve learned to employ is to open the email, scan it, and make a call: “Can I take advantage of this deal or not right now?” And if the answer is no, I give myself permission to delete the email and move on. The best part about Thrifty Traveler alerts is that there will probably be another deal in the future that you CAN say yes to!