Welcome to 40 and Giving Zero F's

We're told our whole lives to be confident. At 40, I'm finally embracing it.

“Wow, you’re so confident!” or “I love how confident you are at your age!”

I don’t remember exactly how my mother said it, but I know that she was being kind. If I heard it as a backhanded compliment, it wasn’t meant to be one.

Let me set the scene: we were in Nashville for a family trip to celebrate milestone birthdays. Mostly my father’s, but I had turned 40 the month before, and my sister was also celebrating a milestone birthday of her own.

I had ordered matching t-shirts for the three of us because why not? We were going to wear them at all the bars and Honky Tonks on Broadway in Nashville as we elbowed our way to the bar between bachelorette parties. Ours would hardly be the only matching shirts in the crowd.

I decided to make mine a tank top. (And by “make mine” I mean order it from the Etsy seller AS a tank top - don’t imagine me getting out the fabric scissors and bedazzling this thing). And when I walked downstairs in that tank top, paired with a short denim skirt, cowboy boots, and a white cowboy hat with rhinestone fringe and a faux pearl “40” on it (THAT I couldn’t get anyone else to join me in wearing - I was on my own with the hat!), I was met with a “Oh you’re so confident.”

I know… quite the outfit

Here’s what I didn’t hear (at first):

“You look great!”

“I love that outfit!”

“How fun!”

No, just: “You’re so confident!”

Put yourself in my cowboy boots. How would you take that?

Well I took it personally. And I told my mother how her intended compliment made me feel. And I maybe guilted my sister into also wearing the tank top version of her shirt. (Also, I know my mom is reading this now: I love you! I know you meant it as a compliment and you’re so ridiculously proud of me!)

But honestly - my mother was right. I am confident. And it feels so good.

Twenty years ago, maybe even ten years ago, I wouldn’t have worn that outfit. I wouldn’t wear the skirt because I hated my thighs. I would have been nervous that the tank top showed off my not-as-toned arms. My bra definitely showed in this tank top but as I reminded my family, we were in Nashville. My undergarments would hardly be the only ones visible that day! And twenty years ago I was younger and thinner.

But now, at 40, I am confident. I still don’t love my thighs, but I’m sick of hiding them. My arms aren’t as toned as Michelle Obama’s, but my arms are strong. That white hat with the ridiculous rhinestone fringe won’t let me fade into the background. In fact, I lost count of the people who complimented me on that hat while I wore it (and also carried it through the airport coming and going!). But that was the point. I don’t want to fade into the background.

For what it’s worth, I wasn’t one of those women who feared my 40th birthday. I leaned in and wanted to make the most of it.

Life doesn’t stop at 40. In fact, when you stop worrying about what other people think and start doing what you want, it might just be the best decade yet.

So welcome to “40 and Zero F’s.” Every other week I’ll send an essay into your inboxes about some aspect of life that I’m learning to enjoy, rethink, or otherwise just stop worrying about. Whether it’s about the ways I’m working to push myself out of my comfort zone, or the ways I’ve embraced that comfort zone and just stopped caring about something, I’ll share my thoughts and hopefully some laughs. You can also expect some content around raising confident daughters. My 10 year old often responds with “I know,” when I tell her she’s pretty. I want her to hold onto that confidence forever.

So whether you’re 40, coming up on 40, or 40 is in your rear view, join me on this wild ride. Buckle up - or don’t. There are no rules here!

Love,

Amanda

Zero F’s Favorite

PS. Each post will feature a favorite: Something I’m reading, listening, loving or otherwise enjoying. In honor of this inaugural post, let me share a new favorite artist, Tami Neilson. She performed at the Grand Ole Opry while we were in Nashville and I immediately fell in love. Not only is she a badass lady, she has the most incredibly voice. In addition to her original songs, she covers the amazing Tammy Wynette.

But here is my favorite gem of hers, “Careless Woman.” The video is fun (and short!) and might as well be the anthem for this newsletter. Enjoy!

“A careless woman, she played too rough
She laughed too loud, she talked too much
Too much, too much, she just too much
I wanna be her when I grow up”